The Importance of Remaining Grateful, Worrying Less and Checking on Seniors During COVID-19 Crisis
By Larry Lichtenauer, Lawrence Howard & Associates
Dawn A. O'Meally
Six weeks into the practice of social distancing and self-quarantine practices, many people have settled into an acceptable rhythm to proceed with some semblance of normalcy in their work and home lives. Others, sparked by major events be it job loss, illness or overwhelming feelings of isolation are still struggling to find a comfort zone and remain in a daily fight for mental stability. Even the most adaptable among us have not found things easy and most everyone agrees – this new normal is getting really old.
Dr. Shawn Costello Whooley
“Many of us have detected something positive on the horizon just up ahead, but the problem is, we don’t seem to be drawing any closer to this horizon point,” explained Dr. Shawn Costello Whooley, a licensed psychologist in private practice in Lutherville. “Worse still, what we see or what we want to see might not be the actuality when we arrive. The enormity of this situation has not completely sunk in to everyone and I believe the first step is to acknowledge the sense of loss and change. Once you accept that, you can begin the process of letting go and dealing with the new reality.”
Dr. Jeff Sheggrud
“Even for those who don’t deal with anxiety issues on a regular basis, this situation is causing some level of anxiety in each of us which has a negative impact in the long-term,” said Dr. Jeff Sheggrud, a licensed psychologist and owner of Psychology Consultants Associated in Lutherville. “A big part of the problem - and I see this in people of all ages - is the tremendous ambiguity of the situation with no one confident to predict its end or to even provide clear answers on many things. That’s understandable because the answers are not available or even change from day to day, but it is not helping people’s anxiety. It seems like we are operating in the dark for much of the time and kids in particular don’t understand what is going on.”
Dawn O’Meally, MSW, LCSW-C, and founder of The Counseling Center for Change in Westminster, sees particular distress among senior citizens, many of whom have lost contact with outsiders due to the inability to manipulate iPhones and iPads. “Isolation has set in and that typically signals the beginning of the end,” she explained. O’Meally stresses the extreme need to reach out to seniors on a regular basis, even if that means making daily telephone calls to check in. “Family members may not live within close proximity or are now restricted from visiting. Trips to the library to access the computer are now out. Interaction has to take place in other ways.”
Fill your mind with positivity
“I am grateful for the ability to still help people through teletherapy and being grateful is among the most important principles I instill into my patients, because it crowds out negative and unwanted feelings,” O’Meally said. “We are working with a number of widows, many of whom are alone, and they have many factors working against them including physical limitations. What they can control is their thoughts, and the mind is our most powerful and important tool.”
“It is important to take stock of our lives, recognize those components that are most valuable and meaningful to us, get back to those basics, and try not to dwell on the more superficial aspects, which may manifest as time consuming distractions, and ultimately bring people down,” explained Costello Whooley. “Make lists of meaningful things to accomplish and practice self-care, both physically and emotionally. Many people are working overtime these days because they feel they need to validate their worthwhile at home, as if there isn’t this huge emotionally draining elephant in the room. It is vital to take frequent breaks, as much as 15 minutes each hour to remain alert and energized and centered.”
“Control your stress, as constant stress takes a tremendous physical and mental tool,” explained Sheggrud. “Understand what has worked for you in the past to reduce stress, be it spirituality, reading, exercising or practicing yoga. Although we are physically distanced from people at this time, make a concerted effort to remain in communication with others. If I notice I haven’t spoken to someone in a while, I make a point to reach out to maintain a strong relationship.”
Accept moments when not everything is OK
“Understand that feelings of self-condemnation are normal and not everything is going to feel great all of the time,” Costello Whooley added. “I speak to some clients and they cannot understand why they are not feeling more gratefuland focused about things and instead are constantly unsettled and distressed. They cannot reconcile that fact and believe they have poor coping mechanisms and think they must be doing something wrong. Then I ask them to stop, look around and take moment to see all the disruption in our lives. Not one aspect has been left unscathed by any of this. Others are presenting illusion that things are completely OK, but that is not the reality. People are desperately trying to feel better, but are finding it impossible. You cannot place lipstick on a pig – things are not good right now.”
Limit the intake of news and social media
“A significant problem I see is people watching too much news, most of which dwells on the negative, which perpetuates additional feelings of despair and sadness,” said Sheggrud. “My suggestion is to watch 30 minutes of local news and 30 minutes of national news and then turn the television off for the night. Nothing will change until you wake up the next day. Listen to music, watch a comedy show or get lost in a good book – anything to take your mind off of things.”
“Get off Facebook,” Costello Whooley implores. “Who among us has not seen a friend or relative baking wonderful cookies with their children or sharing details of their stay-at-home date night. Those posts are fine in and of themselves, but the cumulative effect is that they create feelings of inadequacy and lack of self-worth if we aren’t doing those things in our homes.
“Don’t binge on the news,” O’Meally agree. “Why fill your mind with doom and gloom when, instead, you can spend your time listening to music, talking with a friend or partaking in a healthy walk outdoors.”
Only worry about things in your control
“Instill a mindset that this too shall pass and you have no control over this so don’t even expend the energy,” O’Meally adds. “Worrying makes things worse, increases stress and leads to reduced immunity. Join a support group if you have trouble dealing with this situation on your own. There is no reason for anyone in need of help, not receiving it.”
“It is critical to figure out what each of us have control over and what we don’t because, if not, we will just spin our wheels endlessly and never focus on what is important. Part of this relates to having structure in our lives every day so we can feel good about accomplishing things and achieving goals. We don’t have to lead a military-type existence but a certain routine is critical,” Sheggrud added.
“There are wonderful health benefits achieved by taking a simple deep breath,” Costello Whooley said. “Take the time each day to enjoy something pleasant and search for social and emotional support. Look to achieve a nice balance between home and work life, especially since the lines are blurred these days.”
Author’s note: And, as Cody Rigsby (if you are unfamiliar then look him up) tells me every day around 11 am, “we don’t know what’s going to happen to us tomorrow or next week, but we are definitely strong and resilient enough to deal with it either way.”
Larry Lichtenauer is President of Lawrence Howard & Associates, Inc., a Stevenson, Maryland-based public relations, communications and market research firm. He can be reached at Larry@lawrencehoward.com
